Beaver Island Michigan

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!

We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.

I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".

CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts ... regular, premium and unleaded.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out...

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.